bitterness kills the soul

it all starts with a word

an unintentional action

someone is hurt, someone cries

only the one knows of the hurt

they bury the hurt

and it festers the wound

burns inside

without healing

slowly they change for the worst

no longer are they nice to the accused

they're cordial

they're fake

the accused is hurt

for they have no clue

now both are in pain

and one is left confused

if only they had talked

of what had transpired

if only ...this hurt could have been avoided.

bitterness kills the soul.

Bon Voyage!

Yes... we finally get to leave tomorrow! We're driving to Rainier tomorrow. Then on Saturday we take the train from Kelso to Vancouver, B.C.! On Sunday we embark to Alaska. :D
Yesterday, I thought for sure we weren't going to be able to go after our reserved transportation back to Washington canceled on us. It was a very hectic day but thankfully we just decided to fly home. So now that the trip is back on, I'm busily packing and making a list of all the stuff that I'll need to bring...so on and so forth. And I know this is going to be fun. I'm a bit nervous with all the different kinds of transportation we're taking but it should make the trip definitely more interesting than others. I know the ship has internet so I'll try and keep you posted. :) Or at least write about it all when I get back! My camera is just itching to take lots of pictures.. I think between my brother and I, we have like 4GB worth of storage for our cameras! So definitely expect LOTS of pictures.

Woohoo!! Here we go!

Summertime

Oh my gosh! I'm so excited! My summer has been really awesome so far! And I have so much more to look forwards to. I am truly thankful...No joke. Lately I've been trying to help my parents work on a house they own in Rainier to get it ready for either selling or changing it into a business of some sort. We've been workin on that house for about a month now.

With us being in Rainier so much, we actually got to be there when Rainier Days in the Park happened. It was so much fun with Kory, Kirk, Kyle, Kraig, Michaela and Cody coming over to go on the rides. We went on the Ring of Fire, the Ferris Wheel, and the Gravatron. It was a lot of fun. I was a little bummed that they didn't have the Octopus ride but I got over it. When we rode the Ferris Wheel, God timed so perfectly for us to be there when the fireworks started. So we got to see most of the show from the ferris wheel. it was definitely a one in a lifetime experience!

Then last weekend I got to see Meca! And I got to make a few new friends. We went to Seaside and spent some time at the beach and walked through the shops. It was a fun time.

Next week is the main reason why I'm extremely excited. Either Thursday or Friday my parents, my brother and I are going to be going on a cruise to Alaska. My parent's 25th anniversary was last year and they've really wanted to go on a cruise again and wanted my brother and I to go along with them. I've never been on a cruise and I have to be honest... I'm really looking forward to it! I'm know for a fact that I will definitely be taking oodles of pictures! [since I love photography & all] lol. After the cruise we're staying a little longer in Alaska to visit my dad's side of the family since both my brother and I have never met our cousins because they live so far away.

I am really grateful for all my experiences God's brought my way. It's been a cool learning time and just letting him bless me. There have been some times that I didn't know what was going on or what I was going to do to resolve some problems. As always God had it all figured out from the beginning.

Forget What's In The Past

Hello again! This past few months have been a huge learning experience for me! My perception of how I am has drastically changed. I've grown up being taught that God loves me and has a plan for my life. It seems like this past year God has tested my faith. Last March, once winter term was done, I decided to move back home temporarily. When I moved to Salem in September I thought I had all the answers. But deep down inside, I knew I was lying to myself. As time went by I became confused as to what I was supposed to do with my life. My decision to go to WOU and Salem was done on all my own. I didn't really rely on God to direct me as I should have. The way I see it is this: I moved to Salem, thinking I knew what I was doing and that I was in control.. well.. I had convinced myself that it was what "God wanted me to do." I think He had a better plan for me. I just didn't want to listen. I do not regret moving there because I see it as a lesson God wanted to teach me. Since my "wake up call," I plan on taking my life one step at a time and definitely praying about everything. I don't want to go down the wrong path. I want what God has planned for me.

Trusting in God is so hard to do. Especially when you're used to doing it on you own. In the last couple of months I have felt God gently nudging me back to where I need to be. I can't see where He's going to take me. And I know my journey is going to be an interesting one. In a sense I see myself growing up a little bit more. Hopefully I'm maturing in my relationship with God too. I don't want to get distracted like I did - which is very easy to do with me. Now all I want to just keep trudging down this road that I'm on and try getting closer to God. I know if I do this and keep my eyes on Him, I will persevere through more college years and all the financial obligations it comes with.

Thankfully, I find solace in Philippians 3:12-16

"¹²I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. ¹³My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. ¹⁴I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize that God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done. ¹⁵All of us who are mature should think in this same way. And if any of you think differently, God will make it clear to you. ¹⁶But we must keep going in the direction that we are now headed."

My Life be like...whoaa.

Okay so life with me has been kinda crazy.. at least this last term @ WOU has. Yea.. I'm not kidding. Basically, to get you updated on what's been going on.. Let me start with what happened in August. I got a phone call from my mom saying that she went to a yearly check-up and the doctor's found that she had Endometrial Cancer. Crazy. I freaked.. like any normal person would. Then we found out that she didn't need to go through chemotherapy [which is a definite blessing]. The doctor's scheduled her surgery on September 19th. The surgery went well and the doctors felt they had got all the cancer. Unfortunately, the hospital that she was at... sent her home too early. [She had surgery Friday night and was sent home Sunday afternoon.] Anyway... about a month later she went to the ER and discovered that she had 2 abscesses in her lower abdomen. She was rushed from Eastern Oregon by Ambulance to Portland. [it was that serious]. She stayed in that hospital for 19 very long days. All through this I was going to school at Western Oregon University in Monmouth, Oregon. I went to school, worked at a daycare in Keizer, Oregon and traveled back and forth between work, school and the hospital to stay with my mom. The word 'crazy' just doesn't seem adaquate enough to describe how my life felt. I thought life was going to iron out.... I had yet to know what was just around the corner.

All through this term I had been living in Salem, Oregon with my best friend Emily. She was going to a beauty school in Salem and I was travelling to Monmouth to go to WOU. I thought everything was going along good between the two of us. We never had a fight or argued about anything really. Randomly, one day she tells me that she's wanting to move back home. She said that she was lonely, and didn't like living in Salem. I knew that she was lonely because I hadn't been at the apartment much with everything else that was going on, but I had no idea that she would just quit on everything. That weekend, she went back home and said she was going to be back Thursday to chat. Well, she didn't show up Thursday but instead she texted me saying she was going to come Friday and move all her stuff out. That was probably a week and a half from when she origionally said she was going to move out. I had no furniture to speak of including: 2 chairs, a table, a TV, my bedroom set, 4 cups, 4 plates & only 4 bowels. I had nothing else. So when her parents and her took all her stuff that weekend I came back to the apartment and moved the table and chairs to the living room and watched TV [which was on the floor]. Most of my dinners was either cold cereal or pb&j sandwiches; since I didn't have any cooking utincils or a microwave. Life really sucked right about then.. it was really hard because I had no one to talk to. I had work and school and then I would come home to an empty apartment. I got really lonely. I've never experienced the loneliness that I felt those couple of weeks. Anyway.. the next weekend I went home to hangout with my family in Eastern Oregon and my mom suggested that we call WOU to see if I could get into the dorms. Thankfully, they had a room available! That's when my life started to change for the better. I got to move into the dorms around the second week of November and lived there the week before Thanksgiving. I now have 3 roommates and they are pretty cool. They each have their own way of dealing with issues and school work. So they are each interesting and unique. Michelle, Kelly and Lorelei are they're names. :D

Now that the term is over and finals are all finished, I feel so relieved. My mom is back home and recovering and she seems to be getting more strength each day. I'm so thankful that God kept her alive! I don't know where I'd be without her or my dad & brother. They're so supportive and amazing. I am really looking forward to Christmas and my break from school. I hope this wasn't too boring of a blog.. it's kinda my first one. I'm sure there will be more to come! Talk to you all later!

-Chantal